Beer promoter's side of the story

23 Jun, Singapore - Following not-so-recent now news, but still quite recent considering our staff writer has been on a holiday that she will brag about on Facebook soon otherwise the holiday doesn't count, that beer promoters will not be allowed to work at the hawker centres and markets managed by gahmen, our exclusive story today interviews and covers the touching love story of a beer promoter who continues hanging out at the market she used to work at so she could spend time with the love of her life.

Hu Li Jing, 28, originally from a civilization superior to the one in Singapore with over 5,000 years of history, tells her story. "Actually, I is met the love of my life here," she says, as she looks longingly at her partner, Lao Chee Ko, 68, as she bends over to pick up some coins on the table as he sips his beer. "I was attracted to his charm and wit, and the dashing good looks he must have had 40 years ago. Every time he tells me his life story, I feel so much wiser and interested to listen," she says.

Lao Chee Ko agrees. "Wah, last time, in my days as a army regular, I had so many experiences, I can't finish telling them all. My children and youngsters nowadays just say yah whatever grandpa and walk off when I tell them my exaggerated army stories. I guess my stories must have enchanted her and it must have nothing to do with the $500,000 I have in my CPF or the tips I give with the beer. This is true love at its finest!"

We congratulate the happy couple and wish them everlasting love (since it is highly likely Lao Chee Ko might not even be able to withdraw his CPF anyway).

Chinese heir buys his dog two gold Apple watches. (real story)

A real story from the Straits Times, Singapore. 

Chinese heir buys his dog two gold Apple watches

PUBLISHED ON MAY 27, 2015 5:05 PM

 680 246 0 0PRINTEMAIL

Wang Sicong, the son of one of China's richest men Wang Jialin, took to social media site Weibo to post photos of his dog wearing not one but two gold Apple Watches. -- PHOTO: SINA WEIBO  

NEW YORK (BLOOMBERG) - Thought you were splurging by purchasing an Apple Watch for yourself? Think again.

Wang Sicong, the son of one of China's richest men Wang Jialin, took to social media site Weibo to post photos of his dog wearing not one but two gold Apple Watches.

According to Shanghaist, the caption posted in photos taken by the 27-year-old read: "I have new watches! I'm supposed to have four watches since I have four long legs. But that seems too uncouth so I kept it down to two, which totally fits my status. Do you have one?"

Apple's gold watches retail for between US$10,000 (S$13,500) and US$17,000 (S$23,000) each depending on specifications and currently have a three- to four-week wait time.

Wang Jianlin who is worth about US$34 billion (S$46 billion) and runs the real estate development company Dalian Wanda.

Chinese billionaires probably have reason to splurge. The Shanghai Composite Index posted is soaring again and is up more than 50 per cent so far this year. 

- See more at: http://www.straitstimes.com/news/asia/east-asia/story/chinese-heir-buys-his-dog%C2%A0two-gold-apple-watches-20150527#xtor=CS1-10

Concerned parents urge MDA to ban Youtube after her female dog turns lesbian

The Morality Desolation Authority (MDA) has sent bans notices to television and radio stations in the country so as not to air Jolin Tsai's MV. The MV features a wedding scene between Jolin and another Taiwanese celebrity, Ruby Lin, which has been identified as a threat to national security.

The ban sparked a rage of responses from concerned parents, who wrote to MDA to demand the directive to ban popular video steaming site, Youtube, as their children are viewing the banned MV online instead.

Leading the campaign is 42 year old SAF regular, Mr See Bei Gong, who saw the need to garner support from Singaporean parents to collectively put pressure on MDA after witnessing his pet bitch lick the genitals of her neighbour's bitch. According to Mr See, that took place right after his dog took a peek as he checked out Jolin's MV on Youtube.

"This has never happened before," Mr See explained, "it will be dire if this plague spreads to our children."

"It .... it was still there the last time I checked," another nervous parent stammered during a call-in to Condemn Nation Radio this morning, "I had to take a day off from work to confess in the church for watching it. I've sinned. I demand for MDA to get it off Youtube immediately or ban all Singaporeans from Youtube altogether and I mean now!"

The parent claimed he has made a police report and demand for swift action in aid to put even more pressure on the MDA, lest teenagers decide to try out unapproved sexual experiments.

Straight male listens to banned song with homosexuality themes, becomes lesbian

24 May, Singapore - Known for its conservative views relating to marriage and relationships, the Singaporean government, who had refused to review a law decriminalizing homosexuality because they were too busy suing opposition politicians, has banned a song from popular Mandopop artiste Jolin Tsai because of the lyrics that encourage the pursuit of equal rights of marriage for the LGBTI community. Singapore has taken an often conservative stance against LGBTI rights and equal rights in general in the past.

Mr. Otaku Tan*, who would not reveal his real name for fear of being caught watching the banned video on YouTube, agrees with the government's stance.

"I watched the video and gosh, Jolin Tsai and Ruby Lin were so hot. I had always secretly harboured thoughts of Ruby Lin back when she was acting in that show about the princess and some other shit, and this video just made my mind fill with filthy thoughts of becoming lesbian and wanting to kiss a woman like how they did in the video."

See Beh Sian, spokesperson for the gahmen added that, "Singaporeans will have their moral values eroded by watching these Youtube videos, and this will ultimately lead to a worsening of the declining birthrate, which as we all know, will lead to GDP falling."

John Obvious, economist at AiSeeBueySee Bank, adds, "The declining birthrate, which has implications for Singapore's economy, is definitely caused by things like PinkDot and bad influences by openly gay activists like Roy Ngerng and Vincent Wijeysingha, and definitely not because of expensive house prices and depressed wages leading to one of the highest cost of living indexes in the world.

It is also believed that the ban will see hits of the video rise dramatically as usual when Singapore bans something as even our banana correspondent who doesn't normally listen to Mandarin beng songs just had to watch this YouTube video, showing that Singaporean media censors still don't understand the concept of the Streisand effect, and will probably have to engage an Angmoh consultant to assist them to understand.

See the video below via YouTube. Condemn Nation takes no responsibility if police come and catch you for watching the banned video.

Mediacorp to install railings for aging Jeanette Aw

STAGE crew officials of Mediacorp have today confirmed that railings will be installed on future Star Awards show to guarantee the repeat of Jeanette Aw's accident during Star Awards 2015 will be prevented.

Stage manager Humpty Ou told Condemn Nation News that the initiative was designed especially for Jeanette Aw, who won the Most Popular Artiste Ever Award among the string of awards last month.

"We are expecting Jeanette to walk away with awards again in the coming year. Therefore, 2.4km of hand-railings will be installed in time for the next award show."

Humpty confirmed that the specially designed handrails, which cost Mediacorp close to $2.3million, have already been ordered from The Golden Age, the most popular elder-care company in Singapore.

Mediacorp told CN that the money will be well spent because it ensures that our aging national treasure will be protected from further harm.

PM Lee's Sudoku's source code riled gaming enthusiasts

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong's sharing of his Sudoku solver source code has caused unhappiness among the members of the Minesweeper Youth Club, Singapore (MYCS). Last Thursday, club President, Mr Teo Bong Park released an open letter to criticise PM Lee's "open support" for their rivals at the Singapore Sudoku Society (SSS)

"I had high regards for PM Lee until that," said Mr Teo in an interview. "However, an open endorsement of our key competitor is the last straw. This is war!" he declared.

Before PM Lee's source code release, MYCS and SSS were neck to neck in the gaming market capacity, at 49.5% each. The last 1% is held by the Diablo2.SG. Last week MYCS's market capacity dived by a whopping 17.5% within just 5 days of PM Lee's online sharing, with defectors declaring that it is now "cooler to play Sudoku."

"We are extremely disappointed with PM Lee. This is going to turn ugly soon." warned a dejected member of the MYCS.

At press time, the Prime Minister's Office (PMO) was unable to comment on the possibility of PM Lee producing a source code for a Minesweeper solver to simmer the high tension between the MYCS and SSS.