PM Lee Ang Ku Kueh thrower identified as 17 year old Gan Cheng Hoo

17 year old teenage dissident Gan Cheng Hoo has been identified after throwing an Ang Ku Kueh at Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong when he was addressing the audience during last week's annual PAP Grassroots Forum. Gan narrowly missed PM Lee's face and managed to escape arrest. According to a witness, Gan was believed to have masqueraded as a PAP grassroot member and sneaked out in the chaos undetected.

Gan was almost arrested after he struck again last night during the NTUC Night, where PM Lee was invited as the Guest-of-Honour. Unfortunately, his precision in his throw was matched with enough power to knock PM Lee off his podium to the floor. As a result, PM Lee suffered a slight concussion and was sent to the Singapore General Hospital for treatment. Gan managed to avoid arrest for the second time and made yet another uncanny escape after making a victory lap around the auditorium.

However the 17 year old assured reporters it wasn't over. Condemn Nation News received an email from one who claimed to be PM Lee's assailant. "You may have won the battle, Lee." the two sentenced email said, "but we all know who will win the war." Gan did not explain his anger towards PM Lee but the teenage Ang Ku Kueh thrower seemed dismissive of PM Lee's facial features in general and signed off the email as Gan Cheng Hoo.

The police urge all Singaporeans to provide any information of Gan and guarantee anonymity except for mandatory updates of your NRIC and name of their Facebook page to garner precious traffic in bid to win the Most Popular Defence Unit award ending this month.

Meanwhile, PM Lee has been discharged from SGH with 12-weeks MC.

Tan Jee Say disbands SFP to form Singapore Orgy Party

Former Presidential Candidate Tan Jee Say had a political change of heart today when he announced a collaboration between his recently formed Singapore First Party (SF) and the Singaporean Swingers Sex Party (SSSP). The two organisations are forming a coalition called the the Singapore Orgy Party (SOP) in an attempt to collectively maximum the number of constituencies they can put up a challenge in the next General Election, widely touted to take place late this year.

"I'm proud to unveil this partnership today," Mr Tan declared, "it finally combines the libertarian polices of the SSSP and our intent to give Singaporeans plenty of choices where it comes to opposition parties."

Mr Tan insisted the disparity between the two parties would not be a hindrance to his campaign, "Yes, there are a lot of differences," he admitted, "the SSSP's main vision is pushing for sexual freedoms. On the other hand, one of our mission statements in Singapore First Party is to liberate Singaporeans from GST. So we are able to find a common factor that both parties value. This is exactly the diversity that Singaporeans need at the moment."

Mr Tan waved away the notion that Singapore is too small to have so many political parties and such an environment will serve to dilute opposing votes against the incumbent. "Well, it is not that we do not believe in the benefits of a larger coalition," he clarified, "we had tried inviting Low Thia Khiang and Chee Soon Juan as well as their party members but none of them are wise enough to work together for the benefit of opposition voters."

Singapore will not accept refugees, refers them to ICA instead

16 May, Singapore -

The Online Citizen, the next paper to get fixed, reports that the Ministry of Home Affairs (MHA) has expressed its stance on the Rohingya "boat people" issue that Singapore will not be accepting refugees or people seeking political asylum.

"As a small country with limited land, Singapore is not in a position to accept any persons seeking political asylum or refugee status, regardless of their ethnicity or place of origin,"said an MHA spokesperson, in response to queries from local news channel, Channel NewsAsia.

- The Online Citizen, 16 May. 

Our immigration analyst and expert on everything because he is from an Angmoh country, Mr. Peter Angmohman, encourages the refugees to get unaccredited degrees from Southern Pacific University before trying again, and applying to the ICA and IDA instead as they will be evaluated on their previous experience and not their political asylum or refugee status.

"There are actually many options for them but it seems they have received very bad legal advice," Angmohman said. "In fact, there is probably a road show going to their home town next month to try to recruit university students for scholarships because we all know young Singaporeans have no interest in going to university. If they had waited another month they would have been at freshman orientation games motorboating some young girls rather than trying to come here on a boat."

Singapore lifts restrictions on political participation

Singapore, 16 May - In what is being seen as a step by the government of previously politically conservative Singapore to loosening the reins by freeing up political participation and encouraging critical thinking and alternative opinions since the death of founding father Lee Kuan Yew, Singapore has not prosecuted any social activists or people with an opposing view for "misusing resources to pursue personal and non-job-related interests" in recent months.

Analysts say this could be because most of the people have already been fired or sued, and those who haven't are already overseas, Additionally, spokesman Zhou Gou notes that praising the government or joining the PAP youth wing, or foreigners working in the government who blog and criticize Singaporeans and praise the PAP, is technically not considered misusing resources to pursue personal and non-job related interests.

Zhou Gou also notes that alleged defamation is incompatible with values of the government even though the court has not made a ruling, because being alleged is like, as serious as actually being proven to having done it.

The next general election is widely expected to be held later this year in 2015, or early in 2016. Most opposition politicians are already expecting a defamation suit or some charges of misusing government property etc, unfortunately, the ruling party has had to be creative in recent years because most of the opposition politicians or vocal bloggers with an opposing view have either already been fired or not been stupid enough to work for the government in the first place.