Friday, 22 May 2015

Gym catering to lowly office clerks to open, SMRT likely to bid

Posted By: Hips Tan - Friday, May 22, 2015

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22 May, Singapore - Following Fitness First's announcement that it is intending to open an exclusive gym in the Singapore CBD targeted at C-suite and senior executives in the CBD with astronomical fees who, as quoted, "do not want to be down there in the gym with a lowly clerk".

The lowly clerks and proletariat are fighting back, and Mr. Gay Gim Man, a fitness buff who is a lowly clerk, wants to set up a a gym with cheap fees in the neighborhood specially for lowly clerks who "do not want to be down there in the gym with a fat, balding executive who thinks his shit doesn't stink and whose laughter is as fake as my tan".

It is believed that even though the lowly clerks won't be able to afford hefty fees as they have already spent their $1500 monthly salary on protein shakes, there is still significant interest from business buyers in the probably loss-making venture, as long as the pamphlets are shiny. It is believed SMRT, who is looking for their next venture that is totally related to running a train company, is interested; Temasek Holdings is also rumored to be keen to add to their portfolio, with their unique strategy of buying high and selling low.

It is also believed Fitness First is looking for a PR company to handle what is an impending PR disaster, and might be searching for any suitable firms to ease the concerns of the peasants. Except the PR firm who advises the Singaporean government and their Ministers.




About Hips Tan

Hips Tan can be found sipping her latte at a cafe in Tiong Bahru, where she writes her articles. She thinks that LimpehFT, asingaporeanson and other bloggers are pussies who sit on the toilet seat when they do a piss, and are too soft to write this shit.

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