Sunday, 24 May 2015

Straight male listens to banned song with homosexuality themes, becomes lesbian

Posted By: Hips Tan - Sunday, May 24, 2015

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24 May, Singapore - Known for its conservative views relating to marriage and relationships, the Singaporean government, who had refused to review a law decriminalizing homosexuality because they were too busy suing opposition politicians, has banned a song from popular Mandopop artiste Jolin Tsai because of the lyrics that encourage the pursuit of equal rights of marriage for the LGBTI community. Singapore has taken an often conservative stance against LGBTI rights and equal rights in general in the past.

Mr. Otaku Tan*, who would not reveal his real name for fear of being caught watching the banned video on YouTube, agrees with the government's stance.

"I watched the video and gosh, Jolin Tsai and Ruby Lin were so hot. I had always secretly harboured thoughts of Ruby Lin back when she was acting in that show about the princess and some other shit, and this video just made my mind fill with filthy thoughts of becoming lesbian and wanting to kiss a woman like how they did in the video."

See Beh Sian, spokesperson for the gahmen added that, "Singaporeans will have their moral values eroded by watching these Youtube videos, and this will ultimately lead to a worsening of the declining birthrate, which as we all know, will lead to GDP falling."

John Obvious, economist at AiSeeBueySee Bank, adds, "The declining birthrate, which has implications for Singapore's economy, is definitely caused by things like PinkDot and bad influences by openly gay activists like Roy Ngerng and Vincent Wijeysingha, and definitely not because of expensive house prices and depressed wages leading to one of the highest cost of living indexes in the world.

It is also believed that the ban will see hits of the video rise dramatically as usual when Singapore bans something as even our banana correspondent who doesn't normally listen to Mandarin beng songs just had to watch this YouTube video, showing that Singaporean media censors still don't understand the concept of the Streisand effect, and will probably have to engage an Angmoh consultant to assist them to understand.

See the video below via YouTube. Condemn Nation takes no responsibility if police come and catch you for watching the banned video.


About Hips Tan

Hips Tan can be found sipping her latte at a cafe in Tiong Bahru, where she writes her articles. She thinks that LimpehFT, asingaporeanson and other bloggers are pussies who sit on the toilet seat when they do a piss, and are too soft to write this shit.

1 comments:

  1. Very glad that Singaporeans are trying to support sexual orientation movements. I am dating a Singaporean and I am shocked by how discriminative it still it is particularly the banks statement about decline in birth... What a ridiculous comment. Thanks for the article , I will check out the video and fully support raising more awarness

    ReplyDelete

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